Aminals

can i give my dog a ham bone?

by lizzie & isaiah on January 12, 2012 · 20 comments

For years, my mom has given our family dog, Wishbone, ham bones after the holidays. Actually, wait. Every year, my mom cooks the most delicious, fall-apart ham for Christmas. After a few days of leftovers, she makes pea soup. It sounds pretty disgusting and I avoided trying it every year until last year. It’s actually the most delectable, hammy, vegetable-y soup/paste.

To make pea soup, she cooks the peas for hours in with the remaining ham and bone. When the meat falls off, she takes out the cooked, then boiled bone and gives it to the dog.

It’s the coup de grâce of puppy Christmas.

This year, she cut the bone in half and gave both pieces to us: one for Abby and one for Vinny.

Wishbone weighs 30 pounds. It has always taken him hours just to get the marrow out of the bone and he leaves it alone when he’s finished.

Vinny weighs almost 70 pounds.

Needless to say, the night ended with us scouring the house for the bone he had already eaten. Then we worried and yelled and blamed Vinny for not knowing better.

Then we Googled it. 

Can I tell you that if you’re ever modestly worried about your pets to never Google “can I [insert unmentionable crime against your pet here]?”

The stories all read the same:

  • I woke up to my dog, dead in a pool of his blood, after feeding him a ham bone.
  • I watched my dog choke to death.
  • My dog needed $2,000 worth of surgery to get it removed.

We found my mom and asked her what to do. We all agreed we needed to go to the puppy emergency room.

Emergency hours for pet hospitals are double the cost around here.

We were looking at spending $200 just to get him seen. 

I called first, to ask if we needed to bring him in. The first woman berated me for giving him ham at all, meat, at that! How could I? Don’t I know dogs can’t process meat? Then she told me if we didn’t get him there within a half an hour, he would likely die.

WHAT? 

Dogs are carnivores. That chick was clearly bunk.

The second animal hospital said, “You might want to like, bring him, and stuff, because, like, maybe he, like, is choking, you know, and we just can’t, like, see it.”

Uh…

The third hospital said, “Don’t worry about it. If he gags, coughs a lot or throws up, come in.”

Okay.

But clearly, Vinny is our boo. We talk baby-talk to that boy. We snuggle for hours. We have a nightly group hug, and I’m not joking. We have cut date nights short to go back home to the pup.

If anything happened, we wouldn’t forgive ourselves.

We lost a kitten once to a disease he contracted at birth and it was devastating. There was no way we were going through that again.

So we got ready to leave and prepped ourselves for losing more than half of my monthly paycheck on retrieving a ham bone from his insides.

Just before we left, we searched online once more and found JustAnswer.com. You have to pay $30 if you’re pleased with the advice and we were. Instead of asking whoever answers the phone at the front desk of the animal hospital, we were able to talk to a real vet.

She told us it was safer to bring him in, but that he would probably be fine (in many more, doctor-ly words).

Once we calmed down, we found dozens of stories of people scared into bringing their dogs in after a similar mistake. Nothing was wrong, the dog was fine and they were out $400 – $1500 for the exam, x-rays and surgery.

The whole night, Vinny was a cheery, playful puppy. The next day, he was the same.

We hovered over his poo looking for shards of bone or blood like idiots.

He was and is fine.

Have you ever gone completely hysterical over nothing with your pets? Why do the pet hospitals exploit your panic for profit? We lost sleep, we could have lost financial security for the month and WTF WE WERE FREAKED OUT.

Don’t you think there should be some kind of hippocratic oath for veterinarians and the folks who make their appointments? Is there?

My rule? If you wear scrubs to work, you’re held to a higher standard. If in the human medical world, you induced hysteria by saying OMG you probably have cancer! How could you ever be out in the sun?! Don’t you know that’s terrible for you? If you don’t start this treatment, like ASAP, you’ll probably die — they would be dis-scrubbed. Or something.

In total, we learned one valuable lesson: no bones for dogs unless they’re raw and never chicken. I think we knew that before, but we didn’t really know it until it was 3 o’clock in the morning and we were shaking Vinny, squeezing his stomach and playing with the idea of inducing vomit in our little, lovey puppy.

Look at that face, though. Would you panic if it was in danger?

His new nickname: Vinny “The Hambone” Maldonado. 


JustAnswer is not a sponsor of any kind of our blog. We just liked using the service and recommend it.

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cat. i’m a kitty cat. and i dance dance dance.

by lizzie & isaiah on December 19, 2011 · 4 comments

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mac’s posh paradise

by lizzie & isaiah on October 24, 2011 · 12 comments

Alyssa (Kind of a Mess) recently invited me to go with her to Mac’s Posh Paradise in Dallas. It was quite the experience, really. I get very uncomfortable around models because I start to feel all Tina Fey-y and worried about their well-beings…especially when they’re nude, covered in skin-toned pantyhose. But we went anyway and had our makeup done with the new line, chatted with the stylists for a while and then headed to Maggiano’s (which I hadn’t had since I left Chicago four years ago) for calamari, pasta and crème brûlée[click to continue…]

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i almost forgot abby is a doll

by lizzie & isaiah on September 27, 2011 · 10 comments

Remember that time I was half kidding about Abby being a terror? Turns out I still completely adore her. Isaiah caught the evidence on film. Too bad it took a few days to process, because…you know…I almost forgot and disowned her.

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abby was cute a couple of weeks ago

September 22, 2011

Do you remember when Abby was a sweet, tiny, adorable little puppy? Yeah, that was like…two weeks ago. The tables have turned. They turned hard. Abby is a little, tiny terror sent straight from hell to fill our lives with poop and bite marks. I’m kind of kidding. She’s still completely adorable and every once [...]

18 comments you know you wanna read more..

happy first birthday, vinny!

September 10, 2011

We’ll have a winner from our naming contest on Monday. Can I just say you guys are awesome? I can? Cool. In the meantime, we’re celebrating Vinny’s first birthday – can you BELIEVE he’s one? I can’t. We’re going to put together a cupcake liner filled with peanut butter and top it with a milk [...]

8 comments you know you wanna read more..

meet abby the puppy.

September 8, 2011

She is delighted, as you can see. Abby is the most recent addition to our always-growing family. She was six weeks old the day my mom packed Isaiah, my grandpa and I into a car to pick her up from Wichita Falls, Texas. She’s been hours of entertainment since. Her tiny little poops and puddles [...]

26 comments you know you wanna read more..

vinny, vinnsters and get the hell away from that

May 20, 2011

Sorry about the clear display of junk, but you know, he’s a puppy, so you’ll be okay, right? It turns out Vinny doesn’t love his picture being taken, or, go figure, he doesn’t want to sit still for no reason when he has all the energy in the world to spare. Really, he has all [...]

27 comments you know you wanna read more..

lucy: world’s bitchiest bunny

April 23, 2011

I have always wanted a dog to think I’m the coolest human in the world. We had a cat named Howard since my earliest memories and he wasn’t cutting it. I would dress him up in American Girl Doll clothes and bother him but he mostly avoided me. He was declawed in the front and [...]

18 comments you know you wanna read more..

cats & chinese food

April 7, 2011

Remember that quiet disconnect I was telling you about? I have a story for you. When these two little boogers (Biggie & Tupac) were the most adorable little kittens (Now, I know you think your cats were cute, but look at those faces…and try to tell me…they weren’t the most adorable) they were mischievous (still are). I used [...]

22 comments you know you wanna read more..