Etiquette

Went to the second wedding I’ve ever been just a guest to, which was really nice. It’s a whole different perspective when you’re a) planning your wedding and b) not involved in any planning details of this wedding, you just get to enjoy it. I knew I would be taking notes while I was there. I figured at least. Not actual notes, jeez! Mental notes.

I felt kind of guilty toward the end of the night because of all the critiquing I did on a lovely wedding. I was mentally noting: MAKE sure there’s a microphone at the altar (if you haven’t been to a wedding without one, it’s a little awkward to sit in silence for 20 minutes back in the cheap seats), MUST have a great playlist. In all honesty, the wedding was beautiful. Weddings tend to be a little bit awkward when you don’t know the bride or the groom, anyway. It’s weird introducing yourself to the couple on their day, “Uhh…Hey, thanks for paying about $70 for me to eat here tonight…glad I could be here…by the way, I’m Lizzie…and you look beautiful! Not YOU, her!”

The evening brought up a few etiquette questions I have, and from the books I’ve scanned on wedding etiquette (I refuse to buy one because I figure I’ve been raised with pretty good common sense), they haven’t been covered yet:

  1. How did you go about inviting people from work? From what I’ve learned from The Office, since obviously, we haven’t sent out anything yet…it can get kind of awkward when people who know you from work aren’t invited, but the people you enjoy being around from workKids are. Did you invite anyone from work? Did you have to invite everyone from work?
  2. Is there a way to limit +1′s? Not only do I have to limit the guest list based on who’s significant other will behave during the wedding (oh boy, we’ve got some interesting married-in’s in parts of my family)…but I want to put my foot down to being introduced to people on the day of the wedding. I felt like it was extremely awkward to be on the other side of it, anyway. Can you ask people to invite only guests you’ve met or is that a ridiculous question? It’ll be kind of difficult to have an organic-feeling dance-party togetherness-celebration if we don’t know anyone, eh?
  3. Kids. There were an insane amount of knee-highs running around during the wedding. It was all good for most of it, the couple seemed to know all of the children, but I want people getting crunk at ours, not worrying about getting the kids to bed at 8pm. or whatever. Is it rude to not invite kids? Is it rude that I’m asking if it’s okay not to invite kids?
  4. Family. I have several members of my family that are openly racist. Despite holding familiar titles like “Grandpa” and “Uncle”, rather than “Distant second-cousin no-brainer-not-to-invite”….we’re thinking of not inviting them anyway. Isaiah is Puerto Rican & black, and if I have to hear one more ignorant family member tell him a story about how they “knew a Mexican person once,” I’ll die. If you choose to be racist, if you choose to be ignorant and intolerant, why should we pay upwards of $60 to have you eat a nice meal and watch a wedding you obviously wouldn’t approve anyway. Is it fair not to invite even close family if they hold conflicting attitudes to your relationship?

Those are all of the questions I have for you. Please, please feel open to share your stories, I want to hear them all.

P.S. Update on the engagement photos: Not only did our lovely photographer send us the SWEETEST note, we have them almost all ready to go! Should be any day now. Thanks for your patience, I’m sure you’ve lost sleep over the fact that they’re not up yet, but it’s all going to be okay. (kidding)

{ 32 comments }